Sunday, September 12, 2010

Calories... F You!

Source: "Jelly Beans (PD)" 800 x 600 · 101 

I hate them. I hate them I hate them. They have become this silent stealthy enemy that creeps up on you. And what is their preferred method of attack? Deliciousness. I have a philosophy about calories that, I believe the world is ready to embrace. If you think of your body as a machine and food as merely the fuel well, your life must suck. Hard. Hello people! Food is EVERYTHING. 
But here’s the bugger of it, - if you want to live a long life full of scrumptious delights you have to pay attention to those little demons. (The demons being calories of course) Why not spend them wisely? But I say using them wisely doesn’t mean spreading them out appropriately all through the day and living a healthy balanced lifestyle. To hell with that!  I say over the course of a little while, a week/month whatever- save them up. Like pennies in a piggy bank and then go wild! We’re talkin’ totally nutso. Eat everything decadent, rich, and greasy that you can get your grubby little paws on.
Life is too short people-Eat! 
Minnesota is the land of the butter head. Its a place where all food can be put on a stick, and fried fish is practically a national pastime.  We live in the arctic and need a little insulation from the cold. So go forth my fellow hockey fans and bake up a hot dish heavy on the tater tots. 
And as long as we’re on the note of all of absolutely fabulous grub that this fair state has to offer I would like to take a moment to offer another F you to every skinny mini out there. Now I’m not addressing those motivated individuals who have banging bodies through some serious self discipline and a religious work out regime. Hats off to you crazies. However, all those obnoxious nauseating chicks who are a size double zero and the biggest move they make all day is to walk from the couch to the car-F you! I don’t even care if that’s mean. Its how a bunch of us feel.  And if you don’t feel that way? Well, you should. Also, I can’t wait to meet those skinny a-holes when they are forty and have zero metabolism. So little lady who is giving skeletor a run for his money-remember the big  four-oh is coming and so am I. Get ready for some cellulite and a big fat I told you so.

So when your hankering for a slice of heaven try a lil somethin' somethin' from these favorite dessert destinations, The Grand Ole Creamery, A Piece of Cake Bakery, or the tried and true Cafe Latte

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